Local Revision: Wordiness

Frause, Kelsey. "Wordiness" 01/23/2014 via zum. Public Domain Dedication License

This post will be about the wordiness of my project.

Original Text:

Instead I will be talking about something that has been happening over the past few years on whether or not human stem cells should be getting mixed with animal cells. What caught my attention on this subject was a Discovery News article published in January of this year. It talking about how scientist have figured out a way to grow human organs inside animals. Basically, the scientists, genetically modify the genes of animal embryos to be missing a certain organ and then inject that embryo with human stem cells in an attempt to get the stem cells to grow into a human organ inside the animal. The organ would then be later extracted and given to donor. With over 100,000 people on the wait-list for organs this could potentially expedite the process of waiting for an organ. However, the problem with this is that people are afraid that the animals could develop a human conscious furthermore, they do not like the idea of scientist creating part animal part human creations.

Revise Text:

Discovery News publish an article in  January  that talks about how scientist can grow human organs in animals. They modify the genes of the animal embryos to be missing a certain organ then inject human stem cells  into the embryo that will grow to become the missing organ. With 100,000 people on the organ donor waiting list, making organs like this would be extremely helpful. However people are worried that the animals could develop human consciousness and also don't like the idea of scientist creating such creatures. 

I believe the revised text it better than the original. A lot of the information I removed was being repeated throughout the podcast. This redundancy is unnecessary and makes the podcast more boring for the audience. I found a way to get the rest of the information across by using much less words than before.